Wednesday, April 30, 2003

i've done much deep thinking today on many matters. i'm not sure what conclusions i've reached. my convo with bryan last night reguarding religion, made me think hard about my own ideals. i like them, and i think they work very well, and could lead to a very happy life, that god would like, and would be good by him. it's hard to explain my ideals. i'm really not sure who'd get it for sure. definately kathy and katie and emily, and aj and chris could get the concept, if not agree (i think k&K&E would agree with me).
anyway, the ideas of my belief are these:

God wants for us what any parent wants for their children: happiness. (OK so this doesnt cover every parent out there! stop trying to argue afore i even present my points - you know what i mean)
Therefore, as long as we all are happy, what more could God want? Each person is different, and gets happiness from different things. So, I think the only thing that God wants us to do is to be happy in every way, and spread happiness to His other children. In these ideas, I am completely throwing out the concept of 'sin' as it is in the Bible. I'm redefining it to be simply, something that does not bring happiness. This is better for everyone, I think, because it lets sins change as you change, and as times change. There are no set-in-stone sins.
Now, you're thinking I'm crazy, right? How do I expect this to be any good? Well, in order to explain further, I'll explain that I believe there is inner good, and inner God, in everyone. This inner good and inner God is what determines if something makes you happy -- not your brain.
God wants all of his children to be happy, so if you are intruding on somebody else's happiness in any way, that is a 'sin.' If you're doing something that does not truely make you happy, that's a 'sin' too.
Now, let me clarify. Just because you say something is making you happy does not mean it is. Even if you convince yourself in your brain that it is. Perhaps you're not convincing yourself, but maybe you just dont see how it is not bringing happiness to you, yet. In otherwords, you dont see how it is hurting you, or making you unhappy, yet. At least, not conciously. In your heart, I believe, the inner good and the inner God know and will tell you if it makes you happy or not. If you are honest with yourself, and really listen, and reason, then you'll know for yourself. The trick is, it's hard to do that. If you want to believe something will make you happy, or you're ignorant to the consequences, then you can easily believe it'll make you happy.
Some examples, if can explain:
Drugs - If you're doing drugs, it might bring you physical and mental happiness, but I doubt there's one person you can find that honestly, truely, no matter what they say, gets happiness from drugs. The inner good, and inner God, your heart, knows it is hurting you, and knows it is bringing you sadness.
Pre-maritial sex (or perhaps better put 'sex without love') - This is an example of how sins can change from one person to another, and with age. For myself, I don't think having sex right now would bring me any happiness. I don't think my brain could handle the self-doubt it'd bring, and I'm not prepaired to bring a kid up happy, in a happy environment, bringing happiness to it. It'd be a sin against myself, my happiness, and God, to have sex right now, because it wouldnt bring any happiness to me. Now, someone else might be. Not someone else might say they are... someone else might truely be ok in their hearts with having sex right now, and prepaired to raise a kid happily as possible. Since it would cause no spiritual unhappiness (most important), and no mental/emotional unhappiness, but would bring physical happiness (least important), and perhaps a little mental or emotional happiness, it would be just fine. It wouldn't be a sin for this person, as long as their partner felt the same. This also makes it a sin to have sex when you're married, if you're not in love with who you're married to - it's not going to bring you happiness. Don't you think that defines things better than simply using something formal to define love?
Killing - In most cases, you don't even have to get complicated for this one: It's interfering with someone else's happiness, which is their God-given right. God wants us to be happy, you took away their happiness, so yes, that's a sin. Ok, here's the complicated side: Let's say the person wants to die, truely, and you kill them. I won't go into whether someone really wants to die, perhaps there is a time when your heart, your inner good, and your inner God all say it is time for you to go. I don't want to tangle in that right now. Obviously, for most people, killing the person, even if they wanted it, would make you sad. Even if you didnt show it, it would bring unhappiness into your heart. So let's say you're a sadistic, ruthless killer? That doesnt mean you don't have a heart, and that your heart, your inner good, and your inner God don't know it's not bringing you happiness. It's a sin against yourself, and your happiness. Also, you're killing one of God's children. If He wants them gone, He'll take care of that Himself; you don't have to help.**
I think for the most part, most everything else explains itself. Respect, treat as you'd like to be treated, etc., etc. It all comes back to happiness, and everyone being happy, and listening to your heart/inner good/inner God.
I feel that this is a better reason to do something than because the Bible tells you. No disrespect, but the Bible was written by humans. Why bring the reasons back to the Bible, when you can bring them back to yourself, your heart, and God inside of you?

NOTE - Yes, this is idealistic. But aren't all religions? I'm not going to try and set up a society or something like this, jeeze.

** This does not nesscarily reflect any views of mine on the death penalty. That's a different matter completely, in my head. Yes, it's influenced by religion/morals/beliefs, but I don't want to drag all of that in here, it'll go on forever.

I'm not a very religious person, as most of you know. I do have some basic beleifs though, and I realise that by cramming them all in here, and making religion my only topic, it sounds like I'm a door to door God-salesman. But really, I'm not. I just had these ideas, and I think they're pretty cool, so I'm sharing them.

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

who watches the jay leno show?? lol i bet a few of you.
well, do you remember that four-year-old whiz kid who knew all that political crap? lol well,
that's my cousin! hehe. four times removed.
i'm proud. s'all cool : P

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

The Test Results Are In!

"You are a smooth chick."

You have a knack for greatness. For the record,you are:

67% Un-telligent!
which is significantly higher than the current average of 60%

Here is the custom report of your personality that led our team of geeks to conclude (with confidence) that you are resourceful and sly woman:

"The subject shows an astounding level of intelligence, and her sense of observation is one of her best qualities. Considering this, she shows a lot of potential, but that's only part of the equation.

"Also, as much as we hate violence, an occasional mauling is one way to solve day-to-day problems like unpleasant coworkers or pesky door-to-door salesmen; she just isn't tough enough, sir, and she avoids any solution that involves violence.

"Finally, the subject displayed a pathetic and useless (seriously bad) sense of humor, a decent and respectable sense of morality, and a barbaric self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good level of humor make for the strongest individuals."

Final Score: 67% Un-telligent

Sunday, April 20, 2003

June 20, 2064
at the age of 77 years old.

On that date you will most likely die from:
Cancer (19%)
Horrible Accident (12%)
Third Degree Burns (11%)
Suicide (11%)
Alien Abduction (9%)
Alcoholism (8%)
Drowning (8%)
Heart Attack (7%)
Loneliness (5%)
Electrolysis (5%)

amazingly, i have suicide, while aj doesnt, and i have lonliness, which i find quite fitting.
i'm reassured that i've got more chance of dying from alien abduction than from a heart attack.

but damn. i'll die a month and 8 days before my birthday.. damnit i wont even get to open my presents!! maybe i can open them early that year...

go here to find out when you will die!!
post for thursday goes here
*~*~*watch this space*~*~*
Dilemma n (dil-em-uh) - root word: 'Emma'
1. A situation that requires a choice between options that are or seem equally unfavorable or mutually exclusive.
2. A problem that seems to defy a satisfactory solution.

Monday, April 14, 2003

Whats the point in posting anymore!!!
will anyone care if i stop posting???
sorry, my bad, stupid question..

blah. oh well.

Sunday, April 13, 2003

well. was online on friday night, but no one else was. after paying $10 for net though, i had to get my worth out of it, so i set up a nice long list of songs to d/l. : )
didnt win my competion, but we've got one girl going to nationals, another girl who got 4th.
lan party last night was a blast, we had DNL, red stuff, and BAWLS.. haha.
as bryan said (he brought the bawls) "hey! didnt i let you drink my bawls?" muahaha.
i bought pizza (compliments of the AISD.,. i used the money left over from what they paid me to go compete : ) )
that's all folks.

Friday, April 11, 2003

not much to say.. did my competition today, missed school. going to school tomorrow (friday), but going back to hosa afterwards and staying the rest of the time. i'll be home on sat around 4:30 or so..?
i should have internet tomorrow.. if all goes to plan.. so i'll be online and i can chat from our hotel.
not sure how i did
more later, maybe.

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

lol.. just a quick post today.. this really happened.. and well.. it's hilarous. i really had no idea what was going on during this high-tension moment.. and let me just say aroon's lucky i didnt have time to stop and chat!!!
the aim transcript:
freezefire666: so who is it that's trying to boycott your plans?
Cheetah200: YOU!
freezefire666: I'M SORRY!!
Cheetah200: mrs. i-like-to-run-up-behind-people-and-smack-them-on-the-head-during-crusial-moments =p
Cheetah200: ; )
freezefire666: oh that was a crucial moment?
freezefire666: hehehe...
Cheetah200: hehe, im jk its cool
Cheetah200: thats when i was asking her
freezefire666: well i releived some tension then
Cheetah200: i was like hey nathalie, i was wondering *SMACK*
Cheetah200: wtf!
Cheetah200: i mean!
Cheetah200: do you have plans for prom?
freezefire666: as you both stared in confusion at my figure fleeing down the hall
freezefire666: lol
freezefire666: god that's so perfectly me
freezefire666: *shakes head in self-amazement*
freezefire666: only i could time something like that you know
Cheetah200: lol
Cheetah200: this is true
Cheetah200: you ran away so fast i barely knew who it was
Cheetah200: and nathalie had no idea wtf was going on
freezefire666: :-D
freezefire666: me sowee! : )
freezefire666: oh well, you can look back and laugh at it with her
Cheetah200: hehe, indeed i can
Cheetah200: i think she was laughing at it right after it happened even
freezefire666: at least i didnt have time to come over and start :-P talking to you...
freezefire666: how did the smilie get in the middle of my sentence? oh well
Cheetah200: rofl
freezefire666: if i'd not been in such a hurry i'd have come over 'hey howdy hi aroon what's up howya doin where ya goin havnt seen ya....'
Cheetah200: lol
freezefire666: aroon: (side of mouth) emma.. go.. get.. go'on.. go..
Cheetah200: shoo fly dont botha me!
Cheetah200: heheh
freezefire666: emma: what huh oh hey last night i was going to im youbut then i didnt and i just talk this way to annoy people and obvioulsy i'm completely oblivious to this moment so i'm going to talk even more!!
freezefire666: so am i allowed to retell this story, or should i keep it lo until further notice?
Cheetah200: tell the whole world im down with it
see? it's even legal! ^

the away message i've made from the events:
[Emma runs down hallway in a hurry]
Aroon: So.. Nathalie..
[Emma notices Aroon, but not having time to talk, decides to say hi another way]
Aroon: I was wondering -
[Aroon gets slapped on the back of the head by Emma, saying hello]
Aroon: WTF?!?!
[Emma runs down hallway, oblivious]
Aroon: I mean!.. Um.. Do you have plans for prom?

another great example of my oblivious, yet impeccable, timing. so typically emma.. : )
(i did not know this till i got home)

(ps.. she said yes! go aroon!)

off to HOSA tomorrow.. i'll be coming back around 8pm, then going back to dallas around 3 on friday... then i'll be back home around 4-4:30ish on saturday.. whew..
wish me luck!!
and also-
good luck to all the UIL people!!!

Monday, April 07, 2003

here's a little transcript from a note conversation i had with onurcan today during precal.. wait.. i mean.. um.. during.. time.. that we were not supposed to be learning...:

onurcan: I've come to the conclusion that we [as in we, humanity] are tripolar. When we are happy - we are almost giddy with happiness; then there are two kinds of sadness; one is like 'ahh.. f the world, i don't care.' The other is when we feel useless, - the suicidal feelings (i'm not sure if you've had any, but I have) and that is like rock bottom. We also change within these 3 moods a lot - just an observation of my life & others. What say you?
emma: say me - there's more than that: the whole range of human feelings is in there. I mean.. there's 'estatic happiness', like you said, then there's 'calm happiness', like when nothing special happens but it's a good day, then there's the 'ironic feeling,' when everything goes to shit so you're cynical, not really happy, not really sad. And I think sadness is better classified as 'anger sadness' - f the world, and 'depressed sadness' - suicidal. plus 'plain sadness,' when it's just mildly sad. ("dammit i was really looking forward to ___, but now it's cancelled" - but you don't get depressed or angry)
onurcan: yea, i see what you mean, but i see what you are saying as parameratized extensions of basic feelings (happy, sad). If there was ever a way to be numb and void of feelings, I think we could make a lot of $.
emma: why is everyone coming to this conclusion all of a sudden right now??? I don't think people realize just how much feelings play a part in everything you do... it's what makes humans humans. Everything you say is a fact, question or feeling - your feelings on something, your opinion. Being without feelings is being w/o life.
emma: if you think about it, everything you do is cuz of a feeling. i mean.. you even work to change the world, or become famous, or just cuz you like the work... you do it because you have feelings about it!!! if you didnt have a feeling about it, you wouldnt care, therefore, wouldnt care about consequenses, therefore.. we'd all just sit around. even if someone told you to do something.. you would have no feelings about if they got mad if you didnt. i guess the only way to get anything done wuold be through the basic instincts, like fear and survival. and personally, that would be a sucky existance.. having to be beaten and starved in order to get anything done? i think i'd rather live with feelings.

yea. maybe i'll get a few comments on this? lol.. anyway, it's just my feelings on the subject, as of right now, today : ) . feel free to contradict.

Sunday, April 06, 2003

yey! emma has a motherboard!
here is one of my away messages that tells you what you need to know:
"everyone rejoice for my new P4 2.4 GHz and PURPLE ECS mobo w/USB 2.0... the first step towards my new computer
if you have a DVD drive that's a decent speed, a CD-RW drive that's a decent speed, a videocard that's half-decent, a soundcard that's half-decent, a blinky fan you dont want, or random other computer stuff you dont want.. contact me cuz i could probably use it. (harddrives & SDRAM too)"
and there you have it. i'm well on my way, wouldnt you say? lol.. ha.
anyway.. yea.. that's about all..
took the SAT on saturday, i think i did pretty well. better than on the PSAT, anyway. (i did well on the PSAT)

whoa!! wait!!! something just happened!! i just realised i can barely, barely, sit on my hair and look straight forwards at the same time!!
yey!! not much longer till i reach my goal!! (grow my hair long enough to sit on)
do you have any idea how long this has taken me.....????

Thursday, April 03, 2003

c'mon.. truely.. how many people actually come here?
the globe thing says some people do, but who?
and how come you never comment?

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

yey! i am pretty excited cuz i might be getting a new computer..! i've saved for a while now, and bry & cam are gonna help me get the pieces and throw it all together. simple, yes i know, but then again.. better safe than sorry.. it's a lot of money i'm juggling around here!! well actually.. prolly not much to a lot of you guys.. but a lot to me! lol. anyway.. i'd like some advice on brands & stuff.. i wouldnt have the first clue what to get as far as that. it wont be extra fancy.. but it'll still be a super computer compared to the laptop i have now..! anyway, i can always upgrade later on (when i get some money again?), that's the nice thing about desktops... lol.
so, though i do trust cam and bry, if any of the rest of you computer-crazy-people out there have any advice.. i definitely wouldnt mind hearing it! so im me or leave a comment or something.
i'll keep updated with how its going, what the plans are, etc.
hm.. thats about all
oh yea..... donate blood on friday! (you knew it was coming!)